Hypotheticals, Bufo
Direct Knowing
Have you ever seen a magic trick, and been completely convinced it was impossible, only to later be told how it was done?
There’s no going back once you know. You can’t unknow. The little details you overlooked now fit into the clever little illusion.
In December of 2023, I took Bufo, which is a form of DMT. The psychedelic trip was very eye opening.
Normally, I don’t consume drugs, alcohol, caffeine, etc – I consider myself to be pretty straight-edge (and boring). In some way, I want my strange experiences to be “legitimate,” and somehow doing drugs feels like cheating.
At the same time, I don’t believe in dogma, so I break my own rules every once in a while. My Bufo trip was the first time I consumed any psychedelic, and I don’t plan on doing it regularly (though I may try again in a couple years).
If I were to talk about the experience to my younger self, he would be immediately skeptical. Especially since I find myself using the same words as other people who have used psychedelics: love, oneness, no judgement, divine judgement, forgiveness, feeling completely accepted, ego death, gratitude, and crying – lots of crying.
What would I say to my younger, skeptical self?
Well, first I would tell him that he is doing great, I love him, I think it’s so important to be skeptical, keep going! But that sort of lovey-dovey encouragement wouldn’t phase him.
He would demand: explain yourself! How do you know the experience was real, and not just some shallow high induced by the drug you consumed?
The answer is: direct knowing.
We don’t experience direct knowing too much in our society. A lot of our knowing comes from someone giving a presentation (how to do calculus). And even when we figure things out ourselves, usually we are figuring out strategies for accomplishing our goals (how to fix a toilet).
Direct knowing is… well… more direct. I can write instructions on how to fix a toilet, or I can make a video – the video is more direct. Or I can go to your house, and show you step by step, on your own toilet – even more direct. Or I can put my hands directly on top of yours, as you fix your own toilet – more direct.
On my Bufo trip, I was shown how I form thoughts, and construct the world around me, in my own head. Directly. The universe showed me directly. No obfuscation. No confusion. No lost in translation. As I asked questions, it responded by showing me, then saying “See? Like that.”
It showed me that love is at the root of everything. Which would make my younger self roll his eyes.
How do I know that it was real? In some sense, it doesn’t matter. It could have been God, or a demon, or all in my head, or Gaia, or my next door neighbor – what does it matter? Once you know how the magic trick is done, you can’t unknow. It immediately makes sense.
I’ve always thought of mystical experiences as so secret and hard to attain. As though the truth is hidden and mysterious. It’s fun to think of truth like that.
Any time I was told “the truth” by some human, I was (and still am) immediately skeptical. Quite frankly, humans have really hosed things up, and I’m not terribly interested in what a bunch of selfish people have to tell me about “the truth.”
The direct knowing I experienced on Bufo was such a breath of fresh air. No hidden agendas, no attempts at control, no Zen riddles to solve, no overloaded terms, no multiple interpretations. Just direct answers.
Honestly, there was no room for skepticism because everything was immediately transparent and obvious. I will never forget it.